Thanks, I needed that!!

As many of you have read and maybe know I have been feeling a little down as far as my counts have been going. It just hasn't seem to be going anywhere. I have also been thinking in the back of my mind (where I do some of my worst thinking) that things just weren't going well and that I felt and thought that maybe things were turning for the worst. I really didn't have any reason to be thinking this. There had been a few things that I have noticed physically. For example, I have two bruises right now and for some reason my mind wants to make those bruises evolve into much more and worse thoughts. For heavens sakes! They are just bruises and we all get them and with two kids and being involved in this production of "Godspell" it is to be expected. Nothing more. But my mind just takes things so out of proportion! And it has been those kind of thought that get me to thinking that things really aren't as good as it seems.

In a way this has been kind of good. Sound weird? Well, with things just kind of being "normal" or "mundane" I had forgotten how thankful I am and was not going to God like I should. Studying his word, talking more with him. Even with doing "Godspell" and hearing the parables in Mathew on a nightly bases I seem to have become numb to it all and used the excuse that I was just too busy or tired and that God would understand. Well, thankfully He still loves me even when I am not paying attention like I should be and know when I need a little reminder. So that is just what he did. He gave me a reminder.

Last week I went and had another F.I.S.H. test done and wasn't really looking forward to the results. The last time the results weren't what we had hoped for so why should they be any different this time. So to the Dr's I go. The lab techs call me back and (they are always so pleasant and nice to talk with) and for the first time in four months she didn't get my vein. Actually my vein had rolled I guess. So she had to go digging for my vein (being very apologetic.) But here I was, already not looking forward to hearing my FISH results and then this happens. She thankfully didn't have to poke me again and was able to get what she need with just a little digging. So then I ask the dreaded question as to whether they had my results from my FISH test. So she went back and check and they did have it and then starting talking about about how good it was. In my mind I really thought that it would probably be at like 38%, but then I heard them say something about 6.2. I thought to myself, "surely that isn't my FISH results. That sounds more like my white count." So I said, "Is that my FISH or my white count?" And the nurse replies that it is my FISH. WOW! What a jump!! How amazing!! It had gone from 63.4% to 6.2% in one month. Do you know what this means? It mean (I believe) that I am really close to being in my second stage of remission. At least this is the way Craig and I are interpreting it and will find out more when we see Dr Sanga next week. So in basically three months I am about in my second stage of remission. This is amazing!

Now my white count was about the same as it has been, 3.5 and hemoglobin at 10.3. I am not sure when we will start seeing those numbers start to normalize. If it wont be till I am closer to my third remission or what.

So now I am feeling guilty for ever doubting and having those terrible thoughts. Look at how God has been there with me this whole time but I have lost track or him in my business and normalcy. Why do we let ourselves do that? We have heard it over and over again about how God is always with us but yet it takes things like this to open our eyes and see the truth.

In the past three months I have been attempting (but not doing well at recently) reading the New Testament.I have only gotten as far as Matthew, Mark, and Luke and the thing I am getting out of it the most right now is how often Jesus looked at his disciples shaking his head and saying things like "You Fools. When will you ever learn? Your faith is so little." There is a line in "Godspell" that Jesus says to us when he has left to go pray and comes back and finds us asleep that just always makes me think. He says , "Oh, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!" Isn't that how it is with us? We have the spirit and the desire and knowing but yet we give in to our human ways. I mean think about it. Jesus was with these disciples. He was real to them. They could see him and touch him, eat, drink and sleep with him but yet their own flesh was weak. All we have is the Bible and the stories to guide us and the just knowing he is always with us and we cant do any better. I challenge each of you along with myself especially this week to make more of an effort to take the time that God deserves. Read his book, meditate on his word and most of all talk with him. I know I will stumble and fall and that my flesh is weak but I also know that I have not been putting my whole heart into it either. Take time with God daily this week and see if you can hear God saying, "Well, done my good and faithful servant. Well, done."

I have a couple prayer request for you to talk with God about. First, we have a member of our congregation whose brother was diagnosis with AML a couple weeks ago. This a the same form of leukemia that I have only my is chronic and his is acute. His name is David. He has had to have his first round of radiation/chemo and I have heard that he is doing well so far. I do not know what his counts are or any of that but ask that you keep him in your prayers. For something that you don't hear much about CML or AML I find it strange that in four months not only myself but someone else has this same thing.

I also ask prayers for my friend of mines sister who I have known since I was in Jr High who has fought, with much diligence, Neurofibromatosis, Type II since 1988. Since then she has had 50 surgeries/procedures. Neurofibromatosis is the development of symmetric, non-malignant brain tumors in the region of the cranial nerve. Her face is misshapen from tumors and surgeries and she has lost her hearing for most of this time until she had her ABI (Auditory Brainstem Implant) put in 2006 and was able to hear "sounds" but not words. At her last visit her doctors, who were very good to her during this whole thing, told her, "Sorry, we wish we could have done more." Basically there is no more they can do for her. She was not expected to see her 18th birthday and she is now 33. She has never known life without pain. She tolerates it with medication. She says she know where she is going, just not in a hurry!! We use to joke and call her the "Energizer Bunny" how she just keeps going. Anyway, her name is Dorisa and I would really like your prayers for her and her family.

One last thing. I had asked for prayers for my brother Todd in the past and he is doing exceptionally well. He had his surgery and it went even better then they expected. I have talked with him a few times since and he sounds so good. He is even getting back to work. They thought at first he would have to have another surgery down the road but it is looking like they will not have to do that either. Praise the Lord. God is Good!!

Thank you all for your wonderful prayers and keeping us up lifted. Thank you also for the comments some of you have made. I keep them all. God Bless.

Big Fish

Well, sorry that it has been so long since we posted. I guess we could say life has just been busy.
The long list of our everyday lives has been added to in this Lenten Season. Listen to all this good stuff God has put on our plates:

1. Jody is in Godspell, I get to direct it as a community project. (Fun but I would rather be in it myself)
2. Soccer coaching starts next week for me again.
3. Coaching the Bible Quiz team in the Elementary paid off, we had 5 of the top 7 quizzers in the JR teams, and Nathan qualified and is practicing to go to nationals.
4. At church we are planning to add a new service as a once per month preview starting at the end of April. (That means meetings, planning, practice for a new praise team, communication with congregation and a lot of visioning)
5. As part of planning for growth and a new service we are adding technology to our worship space. (meaning more meetings, planning, discussion, and vision casting, then fund raising)
6. teaching and attending seminars and workshops aimed at church growth, adding services, leadership development, and starting new churches.
7. The church is working on a whole new web page. That means me doing a lot of writing of informational pages.
8. Of course the daily life of church and parishioners, a lot of prayer, and even a couple funerals.

As you can tell, all this is good stuff and we have a lot to be excited about. We would ask that you keep our community, church, and new service in your prayers as we move in faith into something very new.

Ok, that is all just excuses for why we have not written lately and I guess none of it is very good. I tell everyone, there is always midnight to get the important things done. So here I go.
Jody's last couple visits have been, as she says, "boring." That meaning that she has not reached the news that she has been waiting for. Part of her hopes with every appointment that the DR. is going to tell her that she has reached phase two of remission. Yet there is that fear in the back of her brain that is just waiting for a change in the way her body is responding. (I guess this fear has to be a very real part of everyday for anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer. Even if you have been in remission, I can't imagine that the thought of possible reoccurrence could ever completely leave you.) She is still hyper-sensitive to her body. She notices every bump, every tight muscle, every hot spot (not hot flash,) every cramp, pain, and sensation with contemplative awareness.
The good news is that she is still living in trust that God is at work healing her so she has a great measure of peace that undergirds her bodily awareness. And thus the "boring" as she calls it is the fact that the initial shock has worn off and most of life feels like it has returned to normal for her. (although our kids still fill every prayer with prayers for their mothers continual recovery and protection - praise God for thos kids)
So the question remains for most of you, "How is she doing? What have her test results showed?" Well, a week ago she took another FISH test which is a more detailed look at her DNA. This is the test that she took back in December/ January and found out she was 98% abnormal. Well, she is headed in the right direction, but not as fast as we had hoped. We got those results back and found out that she still 63% abnormal. As the eternal optimist I say halleluia we made a 35% improvement. Of course Jody will not be fully elated until she sees that number at 0% and is able to take the next test to confirm a full remission.

What can we say other that all in God's timing? As we continue to thank God for the treatability of this, and catching it at such an early phase, we also pray for patience and to accept what God gives us everyday.

We are praying for each of you as well, that God gives you patience for whatever is going on in your life. May you be filled with peace and hope, and remember that God will carry you through tomorrow.

The Shack - Believing God works all thing for Good

As a Church our Lenten Study this year is delving into the hotly debated book, The Shack. There is no doubt that it has a load of theology that is intertwined in a fictional book. And as with any human attempt at expressing the qualities of God, we must remember that we cannot get it fully right until we actually experience it and see God face to face. (I do however believe that this book offers a hopeful and well presented redemptive theology for people who have previously been wounded by the church and felt like God had abandoned them. *Actually I like the book a lot)
But I guess that is not why I am sharing about it in this blog. As I am digging through it and writing the questions that we will be addressing, one thought came out that I fully agree with, and believe is a breaking point for many people. At one point in the book Mack is interacting with the Holy Spirit (Sarayu) and they are dialoguing about his understanding of good and bad. Mack actually realizes that he needs to release his human judgment of what is good and bad because in his finite nature he could not know how God would eventually turn things. Sarayu continues one of his thoughts, "in one instant the good may be the presence of cancer or the loss of income - or even a life."
In truth we all hear people regularly sharing their hurts and pains. In fact many of us may on occasion bemoaning our own desperate situations. But in reality how do we know, or why do we believe that in the worst of moments God will abandon us. Or even worse why would we be so arrogant as to judge God as the one who caused that pain in our life.
I love this point in the book, and the theology that it offers. It basically reminds us of the fundamentals of scripture. God loved us so much that he took all of our pain, hurt, brokeness, and sinfulness to the cross for us. It is God's nature to redeem us out of pain, not to bury us in it.
So I hope you are all hearing these words as encouragment. Take heart whatever situations you face. God is hope, love, and peace for us when the waves of life turn against us. If you find yourself in one of those times, whatever you do don't bury your head in the sand believing that wave will overcome you. Instead look up with hope for God promises to turn all those terrible waves into the towel and basin with which Jesus will wash your feet.
In writing this I am stating without a doubt that God has already blessed us, strengthened us, healed us, and given our family hope through the presence of Leukemia in Jody's life. We know that not all the days will be easy, and that the future is unsure, but we do know that God promises to walk with us, and use the very source of our pain to bring about the best good for our lives. This is what it means for us to live victoriously. It is not that we are proclaiming our victory over the disease, but we are claiming victory through Christ in the way we respond to its presence in our family.
If any of you are struggling with issues of pain and believe you are alone. Remember God is with you, and let us know so we can be praying for you. With Christ we can all live in victory. Amen.

On a Plateau?

First I must apologize for not having written the past few weeks. At my blood draw on February 12 I was kind of bummed. There just wasn't the excitement as there had been. My white count had actually gone up a little to 5.8. I just wasn't expecting that. I should have been ecstatic with the rise and becoming normal but for some reason I just wasn't. Therefore I just couldn't get myself up to writing.

Last week my parents came to visit and were able to come along with me for my blood draw. They were able to see where I go and all that fun stuff. The nurse was suppose to do a test called a FISH test. I even talked to her about it. This test would show if I was in my second stage of remission or not. Well, for some reason they drew the blood for it but didn't get it sent off. This is a test that they send off to Mayo Clinic. Not sure what happened but nothing I can do about it. My white count was back down again to 3.4 but my hemoglobin was up to 10. I had thought my white count would continue to go up beings it was up the week before so that sort of surprised me.

I went in last night for my draw and they drew extra again for my FISH test and my white count was down to 2.6 and my hemoglobin is down again to 9.

Ya know when you are loosing weight and you have seen a lot of lose but then you get to that point when things just seem to sit for a while and stay the same and you start to get a little discouraged. I kind of feel that way right now. I cant complain though. I am in the first stage of remission already which I have accomplished sooner then normal. And any time now I could be in my second stage which is still faster then normal. I feel great and have not yet gotten sick from medicine or from any cold or flu bugs my kids and many others have had. I count myself lucky and must be satisfied with my number so far.

Continue praying for my numbers to become normal and that I don't over do things. I have taken on a new role. It is called Lamar. Actually, Lamar is an original character in the production of Godspell. Several community churches are coming together to put this on and it will be preformed April 3-5th. We have rehearsal three days a week. Craig is the director and you would think there would be extra perks there but trust me, there just aren't. (haha)

May God contiue to bless each and everyone of you for your dedication to prayer. It really does work and we just have to be patient and trust in God's timing.

Don't Waste Your Cancer

One of my favorite authors is John Piper who wrote -Desiring God

He writes this article which I believe very clearly states how Jody and I have determined to live into her current diagnosis. It is not always easy, but with God's help and a lot of love from each other, friends, and family, we are doing our best to let God shine through even this most difficult time. Enjoy these top ten. (Also find the link to his whole article below)

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means
staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading
about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude
instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of
witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

---

John Piper has been the Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota, since 1980. He has authored numerous best-selling books, including The Passion of Jesus Christ, Don't Waste Your Life and Desiring God.

Find this article at: http://www.crosswalk.com/1383847/

Phase One

Went to the Dr Sangha's on my own Thursday for my visit. It has been a month since I have been on my Gleevec. As you know my numbers have gone down drastically. Well, they continue too. My white count was 4,200. I did ask how low my count could go and he said without any hesitation 1,000 some. I am officially in the first stage of remission. (HIP HIP HOORAY!!) I will continue to go in once a week for my blood check and in two weeks I will have the FISH test (that I mentioned in previous updates) to see how close I am to being in the 2nd stage. I asked him when I may be in complete remission and he thought possibly in 3 months. HOLY COW!! Now normal remission has been about 12-18 months. We account my fast improvement on the high dose of Gleevec, Dr Sangha started me out on then maybe usual, and because of all your prayers. I will remain on the high dosage of my Gleevec until I am in complete remission. I however no longer have to take my Allopurinol. (Yeah! One less pill.)

I am still feeling quite good. My night sweats haven't been so bad, and my leg cramps have decresed, I haven't been as cold but still am wearing my three layers. Plus, it helps that the temperature outside is finally above freezing. As Craig mentioned in the last blog, it's hard not to feel quilty for feeling so good and things going so well. The advancements they have made with Leukemia is just amazing. Thank God for the Doctors and Scientist and their knowledge to figure all this stuff out.

Continue to pray for my advancements and for the doctors and scientists who work on finding a cure for this. I pray that all of you that may yourself be struggling with some form of cancer or have a loved one with cancer not to give up hope. If you need someone to pray for you let me know and Craig and I would love to add you to our list. Don't keep it from people. Talk about it and have others pray for you. God can and does work miracles. Don't give up HOPE.

Before I wrap this up I would like to update you on my brother Todd. His past surgery did not go quite as well as we would have liked. They were not able to help him out at the time due to too much infection in the bone and tissue. He will have to have two more operations in the near future which he is not looking forward to. I ask you please keep him in your prayers.

Survivors Guilt

With the most recent visit to Iowa City I have to admit I am experiencing a great deal of elation with finally understanding what the doctors have been trying to explain to us for a long time. This particular form of Leukemia has had a lot of advances made in the treatment process during the last ten years. And while we still have to go through the process of destroying the leukemic cells in Jody's body, and replace them with healthy normal cells, It almost feels too easy, and not fair.
Let me explain that... As a pastor I have seen many types of cancer many times. I have witnessed long term battles for life that have had long terms of remission and re-occurrences, and I have seen people diagnosed and then last only a month or few weeks. And I have witnessed the agony of radiation and chemotherapy and their "side effects" or "major effects."
Now I love my wife and as I said, I am elated with the news that her health can be for all essential purposes normal, and that she can live with this CML for a long time without ever knowing it is there. The expected benchmarks for her on this medication is to be in full molecular remission in a period of 12 - 18 months; that fact is astounding. From then on she will join a group of cancer survivors for the indefinite future. However, even in the peripheral role of husband I feel like I living in the midst of experiencing shell-shock, or survivors guilt or something along that vein.
I do not know if it was the fact that we had built ourselves up so much for the magnitude of devastating news, or that as a pastor I just witnessed two beloved members be diagnosed with cancer and live only a few months after their diagnosis. Maybe it is this fact that makes me feel like Jody's and my good news is unfair to those who have experienced such devastating news only to be followed up with the final blow known as death.
Of course as a pastor again I believe that death for those who have a saving relationship with Jesus is nothing to be feared and in fact it is the greatest news of life that one can hope for. However the reality of pain that we who remain experience is undeniably difficult despite the depth of faith and hope that we claim.
For now all I can do is say "Thank You God for gifting us with a treatable form of Leukemia, and thank you for the years of life, happiness, family, and ministry that we have in front of us."