Don't Waste Your Cancer

One of my favorite authors is John Piper who wrote -Desiring God

He writes this article which I believe very clearly states how Jody and I have determined to live into her current diagnosis. It is not always easy, but with God's help and a lot of love from each other, friends, and family, we are doing our best to let God shine through even this most difficult time. Enjoy these top ten. (Also find the link to his whole article below)

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means
staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading
about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude
instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of
witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

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John Piper has been the Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota, since 1980. He has authored numerous best-selling books, including The Passion of Jesus Christ, Don't Waste Your Life and Desiring God.

Find this article at: http://www.crosswalk.com/1383847/

Survivors Guilt

With the most recent visit to Iowa City I have to admit I am experiencing a great deal of elation with finally understanding what the doctors have been trying to explain to us for a long time. This particular form of Leukemia has had a lot of advances made in the treatment process during the last ten years. And while we still have to go through the process of destroying the leukemic cells in Jody's body, and replace them with healthy normal cells, It almost feels too easy, and not fair.
Let me explain that... As a pastor I have seen many types of cancer many times. I have witnessed long term battles for life that have had long terms of remission and re-occurrences, and I have seen people diagnosed and then last only a month or few weeks. And I have witnessed the agony of radiation and chemotherapy and their "side effects" or "major effects."
Now I love my wife and as I said, I am elated with the news that her health can be for all essential purposes normal, and that she can live with this CML for a long time without ever knowing it is there. The expected benchmarks for her on this medication is to be in full molecular remission in a period of 12 - 18 months; that fact is astounding. From then on she will join a group of cancer survivors for the indefinite future. However, even in the peripheral role of husband I feel like I living in the midst of experiencing shell-shock, or survivors guilt or something along that vein.
I do not know if it was the fact that we had built ourselves up so much for the magnitude of devastating news, or that as a pastor I just witnessed two beloved members be diagnosed with cancer and live only a few months after their diagnosis. Maybe it is this fact that makes me feel like Jody's and my good news is unfair to those who have experienced such devastating news only to be followed up with the final blow known as death.
Of course as a pastor again I believe that death for those who have a saving relationship with Jesus is nothing to be feared and in fact it is the greatest news of life that one can hope for. However the reality of pain that we who remain experience is undeniably difficult despite the depth of faith and hope that we claim.
For now all I can do is say "Thank You God for gifting us with a treatable form of Leukemia, and thank you for the years of life, happiness, family, and ministry that we have in front of us."

Being Antisocial?

Antisocial, the definition in the dictionary says, "hostile or harmful to organized society; marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm." Can this be me? Well, I guess my blood is according to the doctor today. It has to do with my one enzymes or chromosomes and how they are not playing well with the others and pushing the others around and taking over the place. This is how Dr Gingrich sort of explained my leukemia. I really enjoyed our doctor visit to Iowa City. He is a very nice man with a lot of information but easy to understand in the way he explains things. If he wasn't in Iowa City I would probably continue to see him. Dr Sangha is great but it was just easier talking and understanding Dr Gingrich. He was full of information and there fore if you want all that you will have to tune in possibly on Monday when Craig has the chance to get more in depth with the information we received. (I think Jody did a great job of explaining, and I don't think most people want more details or a history of the disease and treatment options as they have changed over the past 12 years. But his information did give us greater understanding in what we know and how comfortable we are with this) I can tell you that he thinks I am doing great and at this point doesn't see any reason why I should have to go through the process of testing for bone marrow transplant. We asked him if it did come down to it and the meds weren't working how long would the process take. He said it would take about 2-3 weeks in regarding to testing my siblings and the possible match there. If none of my siblings were a match then about 6-8 weeks to find a universal match. To us that just didn't sound too bad. Much quicker then we had envisioned. So I did not have to have any test done today. HURRAY!! One less poke.

We asked what is considered remission. He said there are basically three stages and here again is where I wont be able to say it all right. The first stage has to do with the blood. (hematological remission) It is is no longer detectable through the blood tests. The next stage has to do with what is called the Fish test. (Some kind of physic- remission) (Don't know if it is spelled fish or phish.) This has to do more with the, I think, chromosomes (just a more detailed test) and then the third stage is another test (PCR test that looks very closely at a large group of cells to look for any Philadelphia chromosomes in the blood) where they look at things even smaller and it is no longer detected. This whole process could take up to a year or more. (There are goal time frames that they would like to have Jody hit certain levels by) He did inform me again as Dr Sangha has said this is something I will have the rest of my life as well as being on Gleevec.

Dr Gingrich talked to us for about 45 minutes. How many Dr do that anymore? We were able to bring home a lot of information specifically about CML and so will have a lot of reading to do this weekend. ( Good thing to take along to Nathan's basketball, tournament tomorrow.)

So that is the very basics of what we found out today. My appointment was at 10:30 and we were out of there by 12:30. Not too bad I thought. Again, Craig will possible write more in detail about the information we received today so stay tuned. He has a busy weekend and just didn't have time to write today but I didn't want to keep you all wondering.

Another quick update. Continue to keep my brother in your prayers as I found out on my way to my appointment this morning that he was not able to have his surgery do to the fact that the hospital didn't have a certain instrument that his Dr would not work with out. So after already having his sinus's washed and been on IV and basically ready to go they told him it was off. What a major drag. So keep him in your prayers as well.

When I got home from my appointment I was able to take a few minutes and read from my devotional, "The Upper Room" and I have to share what it said. It was titled Six Weeks and the verse was from Exodus 16:6-7 "Moses and Aaron said to (Israel),"...You shall know that it was the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, and ...you shall see the glory of the Lord." After the Hebrews crossed the Red Sea, "the pople feared the Lord and believed in the Lord and in his servant Moses. (Ex 14:31) The writer writes about how when he was a teenager this story seemed to go down hill from there. He got tired of the peoples whining and lack of faith. He found it hard to believe that six weeks after the great Exodus, people began to doubt God and to think the Exodus had been a mistake.

As the writer grew older the story became more believable. He saw how quickly he himself could fall back into doubt and whining after God did something wonderful in his life. From what he's observed, six weeks is about the average life of human trust. God responded to the Hebrew's ingratitude--not by taking away from them but by increasing their blessings and working additional miracles. He didn't punish them like we would think. He gave them more blessing and miracles. Wow! God's presence was obvious.

It has been five weeks now for me with this new diagnosis. Do I consider it "something wonderful God did in my life?" Well, in a way yes. He planned for me to have this physical and for the doctor to do the right tests and find this early. That is something wonderful But am I still trusting God or am I falling back on my doubt and whining? I have to say that I probably have been doing the later of the the two somewhat. There are parts of me that think " How can I be so fortunate? Surely having cancer is more difficult then this. I really haven't had any real problems and complications."I have heard other cancer stories that have not been so good. I start thinking things will surely get worse rather then trusting that God had it planned this way all along. I think I have maybe even whined just a little about some of the small things that I have had to deal with, sore muscle and major leg cramps. I believe that this whole thing has just been an eye opener to what God has in store for me and how much He is in control of my life, not my worries and anxieties. He too has blessed me during this time and is working miracles in me. The writer ends the devotional with this prayer which is my prayer to all of you: "God, thank you for remaining faithful even when we doubt, for delivering us from bondage, and for blessing us with all that we need. Amen.

January 15- Blood Results

Today I went for my blood draw at the clinic but with the temperatures starting out the day at a -28 I told the lab tech that getting my blood may be a little difficult. I went for the first time on my own. We didn't have school for the second day in a row and to be honest I got caught up playing Super Cow on the computer and was a little late for my appointment. Craig was busy writing his sermon and lost track of time as well so it was just easier if I went alone.

It wasn't as scary this time, going to "The Cancer Center." I knew where I was going and what was going to happen this time. The people there are very nice, friendly, and helpful. I didn't have to hardly wait which was good cause their TV reception was terrible. Guess it was cold too. I told the lab tech that I would like to have a copy of the results and she said she could do that with a little hesitation. They only took one vile this time. Whoo Hoo!!

The lab tech had me sit in the waiting room, still no good TV reception but it was only for a few minutes. She came out holding my test results and proceeded to tell me that my white count was down considerable to 104.0, and my platelets were down to 432 ( I am almost normal there) but that my hemoglobin was below normal at 8.2 (Normal being 12-16) and she would have to talk with Dr Sangha and check with him if he wanted me to have a transfusion. I don't know why but the word transfusion kinda scares me. She left and I was in the process of trying to call Craig when Dr Sangha came out and said everything looked good and yes my hemoglobin was low but that I was young and it should be OK for now. Then he left. I got my test results and I left too.

I called Craig back to tell him what was going on and Craig remembered Dr Sangha saying that he usually waited till the hemoglobin got down to 7 before he starting doing transfusions. That made me feel some better.

OK, now for those of you that REALLY know me, you know that I am a very warm blooded person. Even in the winter time I can usually get away with one layer and keeping the house at a comfortable 65. Well, this past week especially I have been down right COLD and it stinks but now I know why. I don't have any blood circulating through me to keep me warm. I now have to join the ranks with my sister-in-law, co-worker and many others that I have teased for years about them being so cold and put the extra layers on. Sorry ladies for all that teasing. It is true, you will now see me wearing three layers on top and pants with the possible long johns on underneath, a pair of thick socks and great grandma Ferguson's slippers on.

So for now that is our update where we are at now. I did think the Dr was going to be checking my Uric Acid levels too but don't see that on my test results so will have to call about that tomorrow too. Also after my blood draw I did some running around. First, to pick up my prescription of Cymbalta. For those of you that don't know about two years ago I had a panic attack and found out that after several more similar attacks that I was struggling with Depression. This is something I think should be talked about more. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If you think you may be struggling with depression I highly suggest that you talk with your doctor about. There is nothing wrong with being on medication if it helps. Anyway, for the first time when I picked up my prescription it didn't cost me anything. Our deductible was met and for the rest of the year it wont cost me anything. Pray about this as we are still struggling to understand our insurance. Especially for Craig.

After I picked up my prescription I went to Walmart to pick up a few things and as I was there Dr Sangha's office called to tell me that a Dr Singrich, or something like that, from Iowa City was going to be following me. OK, I have no idea what this means he will be following me and not sure I want to go there. Dr Sangha's nurse was gone already and this lady was just relaying the message. I said I would call the nurse Friday. Then I can check on my uric acid too.

Then later in the night I received a a call from the American Red Cross asking if I could donate blood. Poor lady if she only knew I was the one in need of blood. After politely informing her that I had been recently diagnosed with Leukemia I asked her to take me off their list.

Well, now you know what we know. I want to say, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all your cards, and emails. I have truly been amazed and blessed by all of them and even from people I don't even know. It has been a big encouragement."