Thanks, I needed that!!

As many of you have read and maybe know I have been feeling a little down as far as my counts have been going. It just hasn't seem to be going anywhere. I have also been thinking in the back of my mind (where I do some of my worst thinking) that things just weren't going well and that I felt and thought that maybe things were turning for the worst. I really didn't have any reason to be thinking this. There had been a few things that I have noticed physically. For example, I have two bruises right now and for some reason my mind wants to make those bruises evolve into much more and worse thoughts. For heavens sakes! They are just bruises and we all get them and with two kids and being involved in this production of "Godspell" it is to be expected. Nothing more. But my mind just takes things so out of proportion! And it has been those kind of thought that get me to thinking that things really aren't as good as it seems.

In a way this has been kind of good. Sound weird? Well, with things just kind of being "normal" or "mundane" I had forgotten how thankful I am and was not going to God like I should. Studying his word, talking more with him. Even with doing "Godspell" and hearing the parables in Mathew on a nightly bases I seem to have become numb to it all and used the excuse that I was just too busy or tired and that God would understand. Well, thankfully He still loves me even when I am not paying attention like I should be and know when I need a little reminder. So that is just what he did. He gave me a reminder.

Last week I went and had another F.I.S.H. test done and wasn't really looking forward to the results. The last time the results weren't what we had hoped for so why should they be any different this time. So to the Dr's I go. The lab techs call me back and (they are always so pleasant and nice to talk with) and for the first time in four months she didn't get my vein. Actually my vein had rolled I guess. So she had to go digging for my vein (being very apologetic.) But here I was, already not looking forward to hearing my FISH results and then this happens. She thankfully didn't have to poke me again and was able to get what she need with just a little digging. So then I ask the dreaded question as to whether they had my results from my FISH test. So she went back and check and they did have it and then starting talking about about how good it was. In my mind I really thought that it would probably be at like 38%, but then I heard them say something about 6.2. I thought to myself, "surely that isn't my FISH results. That sounds more like my white count." So I said, "Is that my FISH or my white count?" And the nurse replies that it is my FISH. WOW! What a jump!! How amazing!! It had gone from 63.4% to 6.2% in one month. Do you know what this means? It mean (I believe) that I am really close to being in my second stage of remission. At least this is the way Craig and I are interpreting it and will find out more when we see Dr Sanga next week. So in basically three months I am about in my second stage of remission. This is amazing!

Now my white count was about the same as it has been, 3.5 and hemoglobin at 10.3. I am not sure when we will start seeing those numbers start to normalize. If it wont be till I am closer to my third remission or what.

So now I am feeling guilty for ever doubting and having those terrible thoughts. Look at how God has been there with me this whole time but I have lost track or him in my business and normalcy. Why do we let ourselves do that? We have heard it over and over again about how God is always with us but yet it takes things like this to open our eyes and see the truth.

In the past three months I have been attempting (but not doing well at recently) reading the New Testament.I have only gotten as far as Matthew, Mark, and Luke and the thing I am getting out of it the most right now is how often Jesus looked at his disciples shaking his head and saying things like "You Fools. When will you ever learn? Your faith is so little." There is a line in "Godspell" that Jesus says to us when he has left to go pray and comes back and finds us asleep that just always makes me think. He says , "Oh, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!" Isn't that how it is with us? We have the spirit and the desire and knowing but yet we give in to our human ways. I mean think about it. Jesus was with these disciples. He was real to them. They could see him and touch him, eat, drink and sleep with him but yet their own flesh was weak. All we have is the Bible and the stories to guide us and the just knowing he is always with us and we cant do any better. I challenge each of you along with myself especially this week to make more of an effort to take the time that God deserves. Read his book, meditate on his word and most of all talk with him. I know I will stumble and fall and that my flesh is weak but I also know that I have not been putting my whole heart into it either. Take time with God daily this week and see if you can hear God saying, "Well, done my good and faithful servant. Well, done."

I have a couple prayer request for you to talk with God about. First, we have a member of our congregation whose brother was diagnosis with AML a couple weeks ago. This a the same form of leukemia that I have only my is chronic and his is acute. His name is David. He has had to have his first round of radiation/chemo and I have heard that he is doing well so far. I do not know what his counts are or any of that but ask that you keep him in your prayers. For something that you don't hear much about CML or AML I find it strange that in four months not only myself but someone else has this same thing.

I also ask prayers for my friend of mines sister who I have known since I was in Jr High who has fought, with much diligence, Neurofibromatosis, Type II since 1988. Since then she has had 50 surgeries/procedures. Neurofibromatosis is the development of symmetric, non-malignant brain tumors in the region of the cranial nerve. Her face is misshapen from tumors and surgeries and she has lost her hearing for most of this time until she had her ABI (Auditory Brainstem Implant) put in 2006 and was able to hear "sounds" but not words. At her last visit her doctors, who were very good to her during this whole thing, told her, "Sorry, we wish we could have done more." Basically there is no more they can do for her. She was not expected to see her 18th birthday and she is now 33. She has never known life without pain. She tolerates it with medication. She says she know where she is going, just not in a hurry!! We use to joke and call her the "Energizer Bunny" how she just keeps going. Anyway, her name is Dorisa and I would really like your prayers for her and her family.

One last thing. I had asked for prayers for my brother Todd in the past and he is doing exceptionally well. He had his surgery and it went even better then they expected. I have talked with him a few times since and he sounds so good. He is even getting back to work. They thought at first he would have to have another surgery down the road but it is looking like they will not have to do that either. Praise the Lord. God is Good!!

Thank you all for your wonderful prayers and keeping us up lifted. Thank you also for the comments some of you have made. I keep them all. God Bless.